Wednesday, April 14

Argumentative Essay (Junk Food) - Draft #1

Argue either for or against the banning of the sale of junk food in school canteens.

The recent arise of junk food issue that jeopardized the children’s health has alerted the schools to scrutinise the selling of junk food in school canteens. Junk food is food that is perceived to be unhealthy and of low nutritional value (Family Journal 2005). According to a statistics published in Health Foundation(2005), out of 13 most popular snack foods, 6 of them are of low nutritional value while 3 are of moderate nutritional value. The prevalent consuming of junk food is aggrandising even though the public are acknowledged with its pitfalls. I strongly believe that the sale of junk food in school canteens should be banned because excess junk food consuming leads to childhood obesity, unhealthy growth and disposal problem.
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One of the detrimental effects of consuming junk food is childhood obesity, which contributes to future cases of heart disease, osteoarthritis and some cancers (Weekend News 2005). According to Weekend News(2005), consumption of junk food raises the kilojoule intake of the students and trigger weight gain. The situation is worsened when they do not exercise much. Besides, obesity problem is also contributed by the high content of fat and sugar in junk foods. For instance, Professor Steven Reynolds is against the sale of junk food in school canteen because it gives the youngsters the wrong thought that they can consume junk food whenever they like without any consequences(Weekend News 2005). Parallel to the drifting of junk food consumption, statistics from Australian Nutrition Journal(2004) shows that the percentage of Australian children aged 12-14 that intake sugar in the level more than recommended intake is far outweigh the percentage of children that intake in ideal level. Therefore, sale of junk food in school canteens should be confined to prevent any peril consequences.
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Secondly, I agree with the banning of the sale of junk food in school canteens as junk food hinders the healthy growth of the children. Junk food contains chemical additives to enhance flavour and colour and to increase shelf life. These addictives build hyperactive children who have poor concentration(Family Journal 2005). Regards to The Food Show(2005), a child psychologist voices that there is research showing the reducing unhealthy foods in children’s diets can improve their behaviour. Besides, nutrients required for healthy development and growth are not supplied by junk food. Consequently, their learning potential will be reduced. A teacher from Hillview Primary feels that the students become calmer after a lunch with no junk food consumption. In short, junk food should be banned to make sure the students can have a holistic growth.
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Thirdly, the banning of the sale of junk food in school canteens is encouraged as it triggers the litter problem. Students prone to discard their junk food package anywhere other than trash bins. According to Family Journal(2005), litter increases cleaning costs and creates bad reputation of our communities. It is proven that the removal of junk food in school canteens reduces the litter problem. Consequently, school groundsman can have more time for beneficial maintenance projects rather than spending the whole day just for cleaning. Thus, the banning of junk food in school canteens can ensure a cleaner school compounds for effective learning.
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In a nutshell, the sale of junk food in school canteens causes childhood obesity, unhealthy growth and litter problem. Although the sale of junk food in the school canteens generates vast funds for the schools, but it contradicts with the health education they learnt in school. The negative fallouts should not be neglected. In order to move the country a step forward, we have to ameliorate their growing environment to assure the young generations are capable to lead the country in the future. Last but not least, I am against the sale of junk food in school canteens.
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::Please leave some comments after reading:: ^^

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, the first paragraph is quite attractive by starting off with the junk food issue.The intro is straight to the point which directly address to the question.
The other paragraphs have sufficient supporting details and examples with the proper citation as well. The topics are sufficiently expanded and the main ideas are included in.
However, the 2nd,3rd and 4th paragraph seems not to be distribute evenly as the 2nd paragraph has 14 lines, 3rd is 11 lines and 4th is 8. If can, try to improve on this.
But, no worries, the sources are acknowledge accordingly.
The conclusion part is well written by summarising all the points.
Overall, it is a smooth flow with vast vocabulary. Keep it up.
I did learn a lot by reading your essay.

Please take note as your reference:
1st paragraph
excess junk food consuming --> excessive of junk food consumption leads to....( Is it better to writ e in this way?)

2nd paragraph
4th line
trigger --> triggers
7th line
is against the sale( its sounds weird but i don't know how to correct it )

3rd paragraph
voices---> voices out

4th paragraph
ensure a cleaner school compounds ---> ensure a cleaner and better environment

This is what i can figure out and don't really sure whether it is proper correction.

Sorry can't help much.
Overall, keep it up.

P/s don't be pervert anymore,roomie

Synlynn said...

pervert??!! hiak hiak hiak...becareful..muahahahhahaa

Anonymous said...

hmm..i dont have much to say but still den i just wanted to tel u 2 use nice proves and facts.

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